You’ve been friends since pre-school. Your parents get on. She’s like family. You have matching friendship bracelets.
She’s your bestie for life. Or is she?
Unfortunately, friendships sometimes go bad, or run their course. Especially friends that we made when we were babies, because over time, you develop into very different people, and its just not like it used to be. When this happens, its not necessarily someones fault, and it doesn’t make either of you bad people. It just is what it is.
Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hourHabeeb Akande
True friends are like stars, you don’t always see them but they are always there.
Here are 15 signs that your friend is not a real true friend, and that maybe its time to let go…..
1. They only call when they want something
Friendships go both ways, and you should be getting as much as you give. If you feel like you’re always giving, and never receiving, think twice about where your energy is going and why.
2. The conversation is never equal
Do you feel like every conversation is about them and their drama? When was the last time she asked how you are and what you need? If you can’t remember, its really not good enough.
3. They put you down or make fun of you in front of others
This is a deal breaker. Usually, people do this because of their own insecurities. Its a distraction from what they feel they lack. This is unacceptable from anyone, but especially from a friend who should have your back.
4. You feel bad about yourself when you’ve spent time with them
Sometimes it’s difficult to analyse behaviour, but your emotions never lie. Friends should make you feel good, empowered and uplifted. If you feel like crap after you hang out then you should probably re-evaluate the friendship. Some people, unfortunately, just like to bring others down.
5. They are aggressively competitive
We’re not talking about Pictionary, a little competition is okay. But if she always wants to have one up on you, will she genuinely be happy for you when you triumph? A friendship based on competitive behaviour is NEVER healthy or a true friendship.
6. They aren’t happy for you when good things happen
This is one of the most common tell-tale signs and it’s also based on competitive behaviour. A true friend will want to see you succeed and be happy.
7. They bring bucketloads of drama.
Its usually those who complain about drama the most that cause the drama in the first place. Not everything has to be complicated.
8. They bitch about you behind your back
This is a hard no. Friendships are based on respect, trust and love. End of story.
9. Your relationship feels like there are conditions attached.
This one applies to every relationship in life. You shouldn’t feel like you have to act a certain way to keep it intact.
10. They bail on you
Once is fine. Twice is pushing it. Any more than that and its your turn to bail, permanently.
11. They use your secrets against you
Emotional blackmail. Nope.
12. They are a bad influence and you seem to always get in trouble around them.
Nip this in the bud before you end up getting yourself into trouble. You know right from wrong. If you’re doing things you know you shouldn’t to keep ‘in’ with someone, you’re on the wrong path pal.
13. They talk about their other friends behind their back
If they do this, the chances are, they do it to you too. We all have a moan from time to time, but friends don’t focus on the negative in each other.
14. They bail when you need them the most
A friend will pick up the phone at 3am when you are having a meltdown, and stay on the phone until you both fall asleep. Yes, that’s a lot to ask of anyone, but that’s why true friends are rare and special.
15. They exclude you from things with mutual friends
This is outright bitchy and indicative of some messed up psychology. If it’s on purpose and repetitive, maybe talk it out, and give her a chance to explain herself.
How to break up….
Lets be grown up about this, sit her down and talk about it, tell her how you feel. If you love her, tell her so, and tell her you genuinely don’t want to loose her. If this doesn’t work, just let the friendship fade away over time. No need for a showdown.
People come and go from your life. People change, and don’t forget you change too. A friend for life is a rare and wonderful thing. So don’t waste your energy trying to hang onto a friendship that’s just not working anymore.